Forming the Cycle
by lilramona
Summary: set before continuing the cycle what hatsuharu's life was like before he met kyo and how he gained the job that he did AU noncon hopfully massive angst yoai better then it sounds
1. Chapter 1

Ok this is the first story in the BREAKING THE CYCLE series I already wrote and posted the second one so go check it out now if you want or wait until I finish this one you don't need to read this one to read the second one but you'll need to read this one to read the third (well once I write it you will) it only gives away one plot point well two but meh.

Uh reviews from CONTINUING THE CYCLE

JAWX THORN noooooooooo the storms heading the wrong way! (If you go any further east you'll be in the fircken ocean. So yeah defiantly the wrong way) in how I got my nickname I honestly don't know my friends just gave me it one day and it stuck with a few minor differences such as I'm now chibi squirrel cuz my friend is squirrel too and she older but we've both had it for the same amount of time so neither can give it up.

MADTV4EVER no sorry he's really dead and I'm not about to bring him back I hate it when people bring back a person that they killed off its just ruins everything. Thanx for the compliment though . (ooh stealing ANZU2's smile oooh(she used to yell at me for that but she's given up on it))

ANZU2 O.o huh? I was there when you wrote it right after I spent about 2 hours screaming bloody murder while watching the new texas chainsaw massacre (prolly shuouldna done that considering the fact that I'm oh I don't know TERRIFIED of chainsaws) and I still don't get the review what's with the evil laughter and don't look at me like that you should know I'm a complete moron outside of school wah I don't get it! Your making my brian hurt I can't even spell brain! flops down I quit I don't know what I'm quitting but I am!

RUPERT GURL thanx . (still stolen) is Rupert referring to Rupert Giles as in Buffy watcher?

SARA (to damn lazy to try and spell you pen name sry) YES! I knew youd figure it out even though you didn't really but still you know me well enough to know that I hate yuki dodges flying objects thrown by AZNU (she likes yuki)

KITTY BLUE I'm working on forming the circle (Noooo really? (gasp I managed to be sarcastic (ANZU's thing not mine))) cuz I don't believe in dong things in order its just to common and to conform is to loose oneself and to loose ones self is to die and to die well that just sucks. shrugs well it does (can you tell I'm one of those kinda punked out but not really cuz I cant stay consistent with what I wear cuz I refuse to wear just one type of clothing nonconformist people?)

KCCREATION I'm sorry O.o don't cry there's going to be a prequel (this thing right here) and a sequal (those things that normally such if it's a horror movie) so be happy! .

NIKKLER lol I'm not sure if I want it to be yuki but I was planning on it being him you can read my mind how cool is that! .

CASSIE CATS woot #49!

NINTENDO AGE KID yup your #50! No one's asked about the curse yet but I decided not to have it in this one I think I might have mentioned it not being there once but I'm not sure.

ORUCHUBAN EBICHU yes I know I'm evil and no Haru cant resurrect I hate when that happens

I laid curled up in a ball under the blankets of my bed hearing my dad stumble drunkenly into the house, fear rising inside of me. At the staggering thumps of him approaching my room I pulled the blankets higher over my head, and wish that he would go away. I hear the door open and the footsteps approaching my bed. The blankets are yanked off of me, and a hand tangles in my hair lifting me off the bed.

I cry out jerking up and over tumbling out of bed tangled in the sheets. I lay on the ground trying to catch my breath hoping my father isn't home. Not hearing any other sounds in the house other then my harsh breath, I quickly free myself of the sheets. Padding softly down the hall I strip off my clothes and take a quick shower.

Wrapping a towel around my waist and head back into my room, I through the towel onto my bed. Standing naked in front of the mirror I examine my refection. My hair is two different colors, a bright white that can't be achieved no matter how much bleach is used and pitch black contrasting completely. I'm too thin I can see most of my ribs, and my skin is too pale, scars cross my legs and torso, as well as my back, which I know are there without a mirror to let me know the exist. Bruises also cover my body in places that can't be seen, never anywhere noticeable enough to be found out about.

Digging through my closet I pull out a pair of dark blue jeans that hang low on my hips. I pull them on not bothering with underwear. Grabbing a tight red shirt I pull it on heading down the hallway quickly grabbing a slightly stale corn muffin, and heading out the door. Stretching I pop my shoulder and head to school.

On my way there I run into my friend Momiji he is short coming only half way up my chest. Today he is wearing a blue dress with a sailor's hat. Used to his choice in clothing I nod in greeting continuing down the familiar path to the school while Momiji goes on and on about something that I haven't bothered to pay attention to.

"So how was your day yesterday?" Momiji asks staring up at me happily intruding my spaced out state.

"It was pretty standard for me mostly just bruises this time though nothing to horrible. You?" I ask returning to staring off into space allowing my feet to carry me to school.

"Haru are you sure your ok?" questions Momiji no longer skipping happily next to me.

"Didn't get much sleep last night cause of a dream don't worry about it," I say looking down at him and smiling slightly.

"OK!" he chirped happily kissing me on the cheek before skipping off towards his classroom.

Continuing to my own I rub at my cheek wondering about what has put Momiji into such a good mood, 'Maybe I should have paid more attention to him as he talked,' I thought sitting down in my desk waiting for homeroom to begin.

During class I have no time to think about anything as I scribble down notes desperately trying to keep up and prove my father wrong about me being stupid, even though I very rarely get higher than a D in any class other then art, not even gym because I refuse to change in front of the rest of the class; no one other then Momiji, who used to be my neighbor before he moved, knows about the beatings.

Thankfully lunch comes quickly today. Flexing my sore hand I head to Momiji's locker to wait for him.

"Haru, how was class?" Momiji asks upon arrival.

"Ok I think I got all of the notes today."

"Did you talk to any one today during homeroom? You know you can't make friends unless you're the one to decide to talk to them first," Momiji says bouncing slightly as we walk down to the cafeteria.

"Do I even have to answer that question?"

"No but you should talk to someone make more friends. You know you'd be happier if you had more friends since we don't see each other as much outside of school as we used to before I moved."

I know this is true but I don't want any other friends I'm happy just having Momiji he doesn't force me to talk if I don't want to. And it's never quiet with him around either.

Something poking me in the cheek startles me out of my thoughts and I see Momiji smiling at me while the lunch lady scowls. Smiling sheepishly I dig around in my pockets in search of money only to discover I didn't have any.

"It's ok Haru I'll pay for you this time," Momiji says smiling as he pulls out enough money to pay for both of us, when he sees my crestfallen look.

"Thanks I'll pay you back when I can," I say quietly as we sit down at our usual table.

"It's ok you don't have to I know how hard it is for you to get a hold of money as it is. you know I can help you with studying and stuff since I already passed all you classes and remember a lot of it," he says starting to eat his sandwich.

"That'd be great but I don't know how we'd be able to. You can't come over in case my father finds out and I have to be home before my father is and it takes to long for me to walk from the school to your house and then to my house, we'd only get about ten minutes of studying in before I'd have to leave, besides I remember some of it from last year and I'm doing a lot better this year," I said starting on my own lunch not paying a whole lot of attention to what I was eating, not really wanting to taste the schools food.

After continuing the afternoon almost exactly the same way as the morning with minor differences, such as arguing with the gym teacher over getting changed and there being different classes from the morning I headed home.

Zoning out while I walked I try to keep my mind focused on anything other then my dream from last night which is now resurfacing now that I don't have to put all my effort into passing.

'Why did I even have that dream last night? I already know how everything began why do I need a reminder? Why couldn't the stupid thing just leave me alone? I'm doing better now…sort of. I'm not as weak as I was back then I know how to take a hit. I don't flinch anymore and if I don't pay that much attention to it, it doesn't hurt.'

Nearing my house I could hear the sound of the TV blasting through the door. As I brace myself to open the door and enter the door yanks open and reveals my father leaning against the door glaring down at me.

"What the hell took you so long?" he growls out hauling me into the house by the forearm.

"I'm home the same time as I always am," I say trying to pull my arm out of his grasp.

"Don't lie to me," he said throwing me forward, and sending me tumbling into the coffee table.

Grabbing my arm he pulls me up out of the awkward ball I landed in. his foot swings out catching me in the stomach, winding me. As I try to curl up around my stomach out of reflex more then anything else his fist strikes me solidly in the ribs with a loud crunch as my ribs give way. As he's puling his foot back for another kick my mom comes in the door. For a few seconds we all just sit there and stare at each other. My father caught in the act throws me to the ground.

"Get the hell outa my sight," he hisses down at me. Trying to keep some form of dignity I pull myself up to my feet and hold back the instinctual urge to run to my room as fast as I can manage with my broken ribs.

In my room I struggle out of my shirt as I lean back against the door to hinder any attempts to get into my room since I don't have a lock. Looking down at my ribs I can already see my left half starting to bruise. Walking away from my door I dig around in my draw until I find some ace bandages. I quickly begin bandaging my ribs wincing in pain as I do so.

The door to my room opens to my mother standing in the doorway hesitant to enter, as she watches me wrap my ribs.

"Here let me help," she says walking over to me.

"Don't worry about it I'm almost done."

"We'll leave here someday. Then you won't have to go through this anymore and everything will be great. You can make friends and we'll move closer to Momiji so that you can visit him whenever you want," she whispers quietly pulling me into her arms and gently hugging me.

"Yeah sure," I say pulling away lying down on my bed and turning my back to her. I can feel her watching me before she walks away. After a few minutes of moving around trying to find a comfortable position I slip into sleep.

soooooooo anyone else think this chapter is rather depressing let down in comparison to my other story's first chapter or my other story in general? Arrgg flops head down on to keyboard it's complete crap I hate it I wanted it to be sad and angsty but its well its not and its horrible. And every time I try to write the abuse it feels like I'm just rewriting CONTINUING THE CYCLE just with a different person! I'm just gonna go downstairs and find something to eat for breakfast maybe that'l make me happy even though we don't really have anything to eat for breakfast, maybe I'll just do what I normally do and eat something that should be lunch even though today it's kinda 7 instead of noon. Why the hell did I wake up at 5 anyway? It's only the second day of summer vacation not to mention a Saturday! ARRGGG maybe that's why this chapter sucks? Any please review even if it is crap. flops head back down in saddlyness


	2. Chapter 2

Crap forgot the disclaimer last time people. I don't own anything I don't even have any money at the moment so just leave me alone!

Stupid moron on AFF don't know how to read a god damn summary it said right there it was an AU do they notice nope twitches and bashes inanimate object with bo staff (can you tell I got a mild flame) I've got good fucking grammar compared to a decent amount of people on that site and I don't point out the obvious either which seems to be a big thing with people on that site goes to friend's house to use heavy bag until happy again

MADTV4EVER at least someone liked that chapter I sure as hell didn't

JAWX THORN I'm really glad that you are honest it makes me feel better that people are being critical when they judge what I do(just not when they're idiots tats didn't read all of the summary then they should die) I like when people are honest and point out their true opinions I'm planning on staying away from writing at 5 in the morning from now on since I seem to do better at night. Also this is going to stop before continuing the cycle. Now tell what you think of this chapter I think it's a hell of a lot better then the last one. Yeah definitely not going to write in the morning EVER again though almost all of continuing the cycle was written during second period Spanish and that came out fantastically maybe it's just because I was supposed to have been taking notes maybe that's why I couldn't exempt or remember anything that was on the final (hope I passed that)

TALA'S TWIN SISTER you obviously didn't read my other story that one was so much better then this one.

SAVANI i woke up at 5 on accident and then couldn't go to sleep that's why I wrote that chapter thanx for thinking it didn't suck but to me it came offr as something every AU story would have and start out with that's why I didn't like it (I hate pretty much anything mainstream)

Heading home from school then next day I vaguely register the sound of police cars speeding past me, 'I hope my dad isn't home today I got off easy yesterday so he's going to make sure that he makes up for it today.'

Looking up as I turn down my block I see the police cars and an ambulance hat had passed me earlier gathered in front of my house. I feel my heart clench and nearly drop out of my stomach, knowing deep inside of me that no matter how badly I want it to be my father in any one of those cars he isn't. Panic flooding through me I break into a desperate run to my house. I start to shove my way into the house before a cop catches me around the waist and flings me backwards, sending me tumbling. Back on my feet in half a second I begin to head back toward my house.

"Do you live here," asks the cop getting in my way again.

"Yes now move," I growl out between my teeth as I shove past him and into my house. The house is filled with cops just walking around and getting in my way. A quick scan of the kitchen and living room show no signs of anything unusual. Heading down the hall I see several cops standing outside the bathroom. Shoving my way past them I stop dead in the doorway staring uncomprehendingly at the sight in front of me. My mother lies half in the tub half out with the hairdryer's wire pulled taunt as it hangs inside the tub with my mother's body.

Shaking I stand there until a hand reaches out and grabs my arm gently pulling me out of the room. Startled out of my shock I jerk away from the hand, kick out landing a hit directly in the cop's chest, and run out of the house.

I keep running even though I have no idea where I am or where I'm heading. My chest feels like its about to burst and my legs are staring to cramp up but I push myself to keep running because if I stop then everything becomes real. And it's not real it can't be if it's real then I'm alone and I can't be alone because then…then he'd kill me.

Stumbling I feel myself flying forward, just before I collide with the ground. Shaking and gasping for breath I feel the bitter frustrated tears slide down my face. Tilting my head back I let out a piteous cry before curling up into the fetal position still shaking and cry myself to sleep.

I vaguely hear someone saying my name, as someone shakes my shoulder. Jerking away from the touch I look around me and see that I'd run all the way to Momiji's house and that he was now staring worriedly at me.

"Haru what's wrong? What happened? Why are you here?" asks Momiji leaning in closer to me.

"It's—it's. Don't worry I'll—I'll tell you tomorrow," I say backing away from him. I turned and ran from his yard his shouts to me as he ran trying to catch up to me almost entirely drowned out as I quickly out ran him.

Nearing my house once more I began to slow down. Knowing that I am returning to a house with just my father inside, the police cars and ambulance having left hours ago with my mother's body, my pace slowed to barely more then a crawl.

Entering my house I see my father sitting in front of the TV where he usually is, not remotely upset about my mother's death. Everything then starts to piece together quickly in my mind. Mother being home after I left for school, her body and the hairdryer in the tub even though she never got that close to any water when she was using anything electric, and my father's calmness to everything.

"You, you did it," I hiss out between my teeth approaching my father, "you—YOU FUCKING KILLED HER! AND YOU—YOUR JUST SITTING THERE LIKE NOTHING HAPPENED! DON'T YOU CARE AT ALL? SHE WAS YOUR GOD DAMNED WIFE! SHE—she was my mother…and you killed her," my voice gives out as I stand there shaking holding back my tears refusing to cry in front of him, refusing him the twisted satisfaction that I know he'll get from it. A smile spreads across his face as he gets out of his chair and walks toward me.

"You shouldn't blame people for things that they didn't do and that you know nothing of," he calmly says, before fisting his hand into my hair and yanking my head back, and punching me in my exposed throat.

I collapse gasping for breath, as grabs an empty beer bottle off the coffee table. The bottle collides with the side of my head; he continues to hit me until the bottle shatters against my head. Fighting off the multicolored splotches in front of my eyes. I cry out as the shattered bottle jams into my hip as I struggle back onto my feet. My father's large hand covers my face as he shoves my head back into the wall. Feeling my nose start to give way I cry out, and throw a blind kick toward where I hope my father is. I feel my foot connect with his stomach. He lets out an enraged howl as he grabs my head and smashes my temple against the corner of the coffee table.

"I did kill your mother," he hisses into my ear as I stare up at my him through blurry eyes while he sits back down in his chair and goes back to drinking as if nothing happened. My eyes then slip closed.

well not as long as the first chapter but its angst filled and GOOD and those are the important things now aren't they? raises eyebrow and smiles in a 'you know I'm right way'


	3. Chapter 3

KNOW what really sucks? When you read the summary to a story and your sitting there like oh wow this sounds really good and then you click on the lick w/o reading the title or author and start reading and then your like this sounds familiar then something happens and your like crap this is my story! Some one stole it! Then you read who the author is and your like oh no wait it is my story prolly should start reading the titles and authors sigh then you have to go and find another story. I get the feeling I'm the only person that does that though (I told you already I don't function well in the morning!)

TALA'STWINSISTER if you read my other story then why didn't you review that one?

JAWX THORN oh its ok I'm bluntly honest, too much for my own good, and that's never stopped me smiles I know its not as good as continuing the cycle but I'm working on that (anzu2's been so kind as to point that out to me several times) I think this chapters a little better but I think I should stick to writing during Spanish instead of during my free time.

PHOENIX-MAKER I'm updating!

KCCREATION its ok I don't mind ppl getting emotional I just feel bad when its cuz of me

Rubbing my eyes I attempt to get my eyes to focus once again. As everything slips into focus I can see the bottom of the recliner and my father's arm hanging over the edge a half full beer can held limply in his grasp. Biting back a grown at how sore I am I drag myself out from under the coffee table and stumble into my bedroom. Flopping onto my bed I pull the covers up half way and allow blissful sleep to take over once more.

A soft plinking sound pulls me out of my much-needed sleep. Rolling over I pull the covers up over my head, but the sound continues. Letting out a disgruntled mumble I burry my face into the pillow, as the sound of a handful of pebbles hitting the window pulls me completely out of my post sleep haze. Stumbling over to the window I look out to see Momiji standing there watching me with large slightly upset eyes.

"What are you doing here?" I ask in a hushed whisper leaning out my window.

"You ran off yesterday after I find you curled up on my front lawn, without explaining anything to and then you ignored me when I tried to follow you. And you didn't come to school today so I stopped by earlier but your dad said you weren't here but I didn't believe him so I snuck around to your room but you weren't here so I decided to come back. And I did and now you're here," Momiji said nervously wringing his hands before continuing on in a shrill pitch, "and I had to talk to you. To make sure you were ok!"

"All right all right shut up. Just…be quieter," I hiss my voice softening as I see his eyes filling up with tears.

"Ok," he sniffs wiping away his tears.

"Get in the house before my dad sees you standing outside my window."

"You're bleeding," is the first thing that comes out of his mouth after I switch on my lava lamp instead of my normal lights to keep my father unaware of what was going on.

"Huh? Oh yeah forgot about that it doesn't hurt to badly though," I say looking at my bloodied hip as I sit down on the edge of my bed.

"Not that bad? There's blood everywhere! Do you have any bandages or something along those lines? I'll clean it out for you cuz it'll get infected otherwise," Momiji said hovering over me wringing his hands nervously.

"Don't worry about it, it doesn't matter what happens to me anyway."

"WHAT? Of course it matters what happens to you everyone will miss you!"

"Who is everyone? I don't talk to anyone, and no one talks to me. They wouldn't notice or care if I was gone anyway."

"They might care you wouldn't know you never talk to any of them. And what about your mom she'd care," Momiji said staring at me tears pricking at the corners of his eyes.

"NO THEY WOULDN'T AND MY MOTHER WOULDN'T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE! SHE CAN'T ANYMORE SHE A FUCKING CORPSE! SHE HAS NO IDEA ABOUT WHAT GOING ON AROUND HER ANYMORE! AND ITS NOT LIKE SHE DID WHEN SHE WAS ALIVE! SHE WAS ALWAYS TALKING ABOUT US LEAVING TO GO SOMEWHERE ELSE BUT SHE NEVER DID ANYTHING SHE NEVER STOOD UP TO HIM AND NOW SHE'S DEAD BECAUSE OF IT!" I shout now on my feet letting all my pent up rage and frustration out on Momiji even though he didn't know about what had happened there was no way he could. But it didn't matter he is closest as well as the easiest target all ways so annoyingly happy no matter what. Never having any clue about what it's like to suffer every day. He couldn't remember ever having a mother let alone when she walked out on him and his dad. And his father loved him and didn't spend all his free time telling him how stupid or worthless he was, didn't beat him for just existing.

Tears are now streaming down Momiji's face and they make me happy to know that even he can suffer and cry. He stares at me as though he is trying to wish it all away, to make everything go back to how it used to be, but it won't, and it can't, and maybe, just maybe, these thoughts that I'm giving him are really mine instead.

"Haru I—I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me sooner? I would have let you stay at my house," he whispers blinking away his tears.

Now my eyes are filling up with tears instead of his but I can't stand to let him see me like this. I can't just make nice with Momiji after yelling at him just because he cared, "Go just go and leave me alone," I whisper brokenly. Momiji looks at me for a second before climbing back out my window. Once he's gone I spin around letting the tears fall and slam my fist into the wall.

I continue on like this until I can no longer stand and blood coats my wall from when my knuckles cracked open. I slide down my wall and curl up into a ball there ignoring the pain in my fists and hip as I rest my head against my knees and fall asleep to tired to crawl the short distance to my bed.

The next morning I'm still curled up by the wall and sore all over with sharp pains in my knuckles and hip. Struggling to my feet I stumble quietly down my hallway and into the bathroom. I strip out of my shirt and slowly peel my pants off wincing slightly at the feel of the scabbed on jeans pulling away from my open flesh.

After washing up I head back into my room and dig around in the bottom draw of my dresser in search of the bandages and rubbing alcohol hidden there. I quickly bandage my hip biting my fist to keep from crying out at the stinging sensation from the rubbing alcohol. I then wrap up my hands, and flop face first onto my bed after pulling on a pair of boxers, asleep seconds after my head hits the pillow.

w00t its better then the first 2 chapters!


	4. Chapter 4

EVERYONE check out my other penname it's a joint account w/ my friend the penname is CHIBI-4.0 we're writing a Harry Potter fanfic but we cant post anything until 7:30pm on the west coast on the 24 who the hell uses the time on the west coast? For those of you that like me live on the east coast its actually 10:30pm (it took me awhile to figure that out cuz I couldn't remember time zones)

KCCREATION thanx and meh everyone gats a lil emotional at times

JAWX THORN read and see .

I vaguely hear the door to my room open but I'm to tired to lift my head and I really don't care what happens anymore either way. I wish I had though as a large hand wraps around my arm with bruising strength and hauls me out of bed once more.

"Why the hell didn ya go ta school taday?" my father slurs in my face, his breath reeking of beer.

"Didn't feel like it," I shrug hoping that he doesn't see though my act.

He growls enraged at my defiance, and flings me across the room. I stumble into the opposite wall and slide down, immediately getting back to my feet refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing me hurt. He reaches above my bed and grabs my lava lamp, which I had left on earlier, and throws it at me. I manage to doge however the lamp shatters as it hits the wall and melted wax, burning liquid, and heated glass rain down on me cutting and burning my back and arms. I choke on my attempt to keep from crying out as I scrabble away from the debris. My father grabs my arm-twisting it back and throws me onto my bed. I grind my teeth together trying to keep back my tears. My father straddles me, his hand firmly in place forcing my face into my pillow where I allow my tears to fall knowing they will not be seen.

My father's free hand fumbles with the button on my jeans. Realizing what is going to happen I jerk sideways and try to free myself from his grasp my tears now falling in earnest. His hand releases my head only to collide with it once more stunning me. Lying limp under my father my thoughts race as I try to block out the feeling of my pants being pulled down.

My father's rough hand roams over my body as I let myself sob bitterly into my pillow. He thrusts into me with out warning and I feel myself tear from the force. He hammers into me until he is satisfied. He then pulls out and leaves the room with out saying another word to me.

I lay on my bed gaining control of my tears. Once I calmed down enough to think I began to push myself up with my arms, however they shake violently under me. Unable to hold up my weight I collapse back into my pillow, and pass out.

When I wake once more its well into the afternoon. I struggle to my feet, and manage to take a couple of steps before falling to my knees. I crawl over to my desk and pull out my bottom draw, wincing as I feel the burned flesh on my back stretch, I dig around until I find my knife pulling it out I stare at my wrist thinking of how easy it would be to end it all if I just make that one cut. I can end my father's abuse, I can end being made fun of for being stupid, I can end Momiji's constant worry about me. Most important of all I can be with my mother again.

Shaking I bring the knife closer however at the last second I freak and pull the knife back before it even touches my skin. 'There are other places where I can cut the vein it doesn't have to be my wrist just as long as it's a vein. There's a vein on the inside of your thigh a big one the biggest one in my entire body if I cut that one then I'll defiantly die.'

I bring the knife towards my thigh my catch sight of the blood there and gag instantly nauseas. I reach behind me for the garbage can and bring up what little I had eaten in the past few days. I continue to retch until it's nothing but dry heaves that rack my frame. I push the garbage can away from myself unable to stand the stench.

'Another vein I need another vein that all one that isn't in my wrist, or evidence of…of…of last night. My palm in some movie a girl died because she cut the vein in her palm that's the one I'll use it'll be easy.'

Looking down I dig the knife into my palm and drag it across smiling at the feel of my flesh separating. I continue to look down at my palm as my vision swims before passing out.

I'm sorry it so short but its and update at least and its all J. K. Rowling's fault and my parents it was my birthday then we went camping then Harry potter came out and I couldn't do anything else then me and my friend started working on it and and and I'M SORRY! bursts into tears


	5. Chapter 5

A/N you people better love me I flung myself out of bed at 1:30 in the morning just to write this for you people so you'd better review

JAWX THORN according to sleepy hollow yes there is a vein there however read the fic you'll find out what happens.

I awoke to the feel of a boot colliding with my already bruised ribs.

"What the hell're you trying to do!" my father growls out at me, this time sober, "you stupid fuck you don't even have the balls to kill yourself right instead you just go bleeding all over my carpet."

Groggily trying to wake up fully I look down at my wrist which is covered in blood but shows no sign of having been cut even though I remember bringing the knife down towards it but not much else. I place my hand down on the ground to lever my self up on to me feet, but pain lances though my palm jerking my arm out from under myself I fall sideways hissing through my teeth at the pain. I open my palm to find a deep gouge across the center. I stare at it blankly trying to figure out how I ended up cutting my palm instead of my wrist until a sharp kick to my burnt back sends me off balance. I manage to gracefully roll to my feet with my hand tucked to my chest.

Anger boils up inside of me as I stare at my father for once completely sober yet still just as repulsive as when drunk if not more so for now I can no longer simply blame it on the alcohol he drinks, the cruelty is all just apart of his nature.

"Well are you going to fucking answer me or not? You idiotic queer?"

At his words I physically feel something inside of me snap as I launch myself at him. I catch him off guard and manage to pin him to the ground, and get in a few of shots to his nose, which erupts with blood after the second. My father grabs my right arm and swings his left leg across over my arm, hooks it around my neck, and slams to the ground. He then swings his other foot over my torso holding me in place with my arm trapped between his legs. He then arches upwards the same time he yanks my arm down as fast as he can. There is a second of complete silence as I try to register what happened, then the pain from my now broken elbow shoots through me and a desperate agonized blood curdling scream rips its way out of my throat. My father seemingly just realizing what he did flings my limp arm at me as though burned. I curl up around my arm sobbing no longer caring about how I appear.

"It's ok. It's ok. Don't worry I'll get you to the hospital. Just tell them that you were jumped. You didn't seem their faces got that?" my father pauses just long enough for me to nod my agreement before continuing to ramble on to himself while going through my draws to find me something to wear. He then crawls over to me and roughly forces a pair of pants onto me. He then yanks my hand away from where it was cradling my broken elbow and shoves it though the sleeve of a button down shirt before wrapping the shirt tightly around me with no regard for my burnt back or broken elbow that is now being crushed by the shirt as his thick fingers fumble with the buttons. Once clothed he hauls me to my feet ad shoves me, stumbling, out to the car. I barely manage to get in and close the door before he takes off towards the hospital.

At the hospital he tells a nurse some story about how I had stumbled home naked, and beaten. After the forms are filled out I am led to a hospital room and sit down wincing t the pain. A doctor comes in and starts asking me questions. I nod and mumble out the responses my father told me to use. After looking me over he cleans out my wounds and bandages them up. He then numbs my elbow, increasing my detached feeling, and resets it. He then starts going on about therapy and staying at the hospital while I heal. I nod sleepily, struggling to keep my eyes open. The nurse then comes back and helps me into a wheelchair. She takes me to a different room where she helps me into a bed. I fall asleep seconds after I lie down to tiered and numb to do anything else by this point.

I spent the next two months in the hospital. My father came to visit almost everyday the fist week, but I haven't seen him since. Then next week Momiji found out about the story that was printed in the newspaper and came to visit. He spent the entire time trying to convince me to tell him what happened. He continued to visit though I scheduled my physical therapy for the same time to avoid him and his questions. When I couldn't avoid his visits I pretended to sleep. He knew I was awake but went along with it and didn't ask me any questions in instead opting to tell me about what was happening in school, with my father, and the rest of the world in general. He brought my books and class work; I had lost interest and had trouble focusing on any of the work, so it just sat on the nightstand.

When I got out of the hospital my teachers and classmates all asked how I was doing for the first week and then went back to acting like I didn't exist.

Two weeks after I was released from the hospital I walk in to the house expecting to find my dad drunk in his recliner, but am mildly surprised to see him sober and talking with a friend. I try to slip quietly past with out being noticed so that I can go lie down in my room. But am caught halfway down the hall.

"What you're no longer saying hello to your father now?" I'm questioned as he stands up and walks toward me.

"You looked busy," I mumble towards the floor.

"I'm never to busy to say hello to my son. How was school?"

"Ok. Can I go now?" I ask trying to discreetly edge back towards my room.

"Yeah sure."

With that I'm down the hall and in my room in record time. I fling my backpack onto the foot of my bed and then lie down knocking it off.

A few minutes later the man my father was talking to comes into my room with out knocking.

"What are you doing in here?" I ask not bothering to move from where I lay.

"I wanted to talk to you."

"What about?" I ask now sitting up distrust clear across my face and tingeing my voice.

"Not much. Do you know what I'm hear for?"

"Obviously not to talk."

A slow smile spread across his sending chills down my spine, "you'll figure it out quickly," he says walking towards me.

I blink slowly trying to get my thoughts to connect with each other instead of flitting quickly through my mind. My eyes widen as thoughts finally connect to show the whole picture. By then it's to late to do anything. I am tackled with him straddling my hips. He quickly flips me over and grabs my arm twisting it behind my back, gasp out desperately fighting the tears that spring to my eyes as the freshly healed tissue stretches painfully. I lie limp hoping that he'll loosen his grip. He pulls my pants down around my ankles and slams painfully into me for what seems like forever until he empties himself into me. He then leaves without another word just like my father had done.


End file.
